What a place this is to live and what a state to be in when a person is pleading for forgiveness and yet knowing he will give himself willingly to the very same sin that evening, in the afternoon, in the morning, or the very next second. This is the man who is divided and unstable in all his ways (“But let him ask in faith without any doubting for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways,” James 1:6-8). Many are waiting for people like this to be judged, which may come, but what could those waiting do to them that is worse than what they do to themselves? Paul described the struggle as doing the very thing he did not want to do; however, he was obviously doing it. Many could exercise their freedom from something, but it does not take much discernment to see they really do not want to walk away from the advantages they think they have where they are at and in what they are doing. It is just easier to beat themselves up, promise they will do better, and keep going.
They are already free because Christ is their life. We believers are always in the struggle of agreement. He has set us free from everything, even overeating, yet we refuse to accept the freedom and choose instead to work for it. Sometimes I think we prefer the work and the defeat because it allows us to continue in the way we are. The doctor said to me, “You are twenty pounds overweight, technically obese.” I was so hurt and upset as I ate my ice cream that night! I said to the doctor, “Yes, I am twenty pounds overweight and here is why.” He leaned forward to hear my answer, which was, “Because I want to be!” Could there be any other reason? Well, maybe the cause for this could be a thyroid or something gone wild in the body or a vile medication. But generally speaking, we are what we are because we choose it. We also choose to beat ourselves up over it, because there is no compulsion and not enough compunction to change.
I was happy to hear the report from a friend who was free from porn. He said to me, “Twenty years ago I told you my problem. All you said is that I was free and I would quit when I wanted to. You were right! One day I woke up and quit. I threw it all out of the house, and I feel wonderful.” Amen. He was always free but did not really want it until the perfect time. Paul said that the one who would deliver him would be Jesus.
You are delivered but not ready to experience it. The best plan is to admit it to God. Period. Honestly, He sees you, and what motive of the heart can you hide from Him? “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” –I John 1:9.